Exotic Meals

Andrew went for a meeting with World Vision, so while I'm waiting for him to get back I guess I'll tell you about two of the weird meals I had so far.

One night we decide that we are sick of eating at Chow King and Jollibee. Chow King is basically a fast food version of The Emerald Palace and Jollibee is a hilarious burger joint in the same vein as Mcdonald's. Every time you enter the building a guard opens the door and someone somewhere always says "Welcome to Jollibee" in an accent you can only really appreciate if you hear. It's my second favorite noise so far, only bested by that wonderful NCCC jingle. I'm smiling just thinking about it now.

Anyway, Andrew finds this place called the Lotus Garden. I posted a few pictures of it in my previous entry. It was an Asian themed restaurant with all sorts of different Asian food. Like pretty much every other time I go to a random restaurant, I have no idea what anything means. They have pictures on the menu, but in the case of ordering a meal a picture says significantly less than a thousand words, maybe 20. If a picture said a thousand tastes I'd be laughing.
I'm flipping through the menu while a hen and a group of baby hens (henlets? chickendees?) do their thing outside, a skinny ass cat takes a drink from the fish pond, and a puffy dog runs around. I finally settle on Chicken Satay, a chicken dish with a brownish red sauce and a side of rice. It looks delicious.
The dish arrives and it smells delicious. I take a bite and am hit right in the mouth with a taste not entirely unlike Pirate Cookies. Yes, Mr. Christie peanut butter Pirate Cookies. You might think this would be a welcome "homey" flavor, but it ain't. A big plate of cookie flavored poultry only has so much charm. The pineapple juice was solid though.

The second meal was, ahem, um.......hmmmmmm....

Yeah, so we decided to eat at a place called Sari Baryo. I'm pretty sure it isn't spelled like that, but they don't have a website for me to fact-check. When we get there the power is out. Brown-outs happen frequently in Puerto Princesa when it rains, and it always rains. Each table had a small candle illuminating it. We glance at the menu for a few moments (this one didn't have the false security of pictures) and decide on our orders. Andrew ordered a bowl of soup that I'm sure contained one of every living animal in the ocean, and I order a pork dish called "Sizzling Sisig". Remember, no picture. When I order my Sizzling Sisig the waiter stops for a second, looks at me, and says "It's pork". I look at Andrew, he looks back at me, I look at the waiter, he looks back at me, and I say "...Ok". He smiles and walks away. When he's out of earshot Andrew and I quickly try to decipher what just happened. The conversation wen something like this:

"Why did he say that?"

"I don't know. It says 'pork' on the menu..."

"Maybe because the power is out?"

"Maybe....but why would they sell me bad pork?"

"I dunno"

"...........Oh man........."

The dishes arrive and, as I mentioned, Andrew's is almost swimming away. He honestly scooped out a huge half of crab (an actual half, complete with shell) and asked, "Is this moving?"
My dish came out on a hot skillet, bubbling and hissing away. It was a brownish, pink paste with little hunks of meat sprinkled throughout. It did not match the delicious image I had concocted in my head. I was not expecting this. I decide that since I paid for it, I'm at least going to try it. I pile the rice on the plate and begin scooping the Sisig on top. I take a bite and can honestly say was not impressed. I was expecting a "porky" taste, and got a mouthful of what tasted like seafood slurry. I decided to stick to the rice. Andrew and I have a conversation, and when the waiter comes back to give us our check Andrew decides to ask what I just attempted to eat actually was. The waiter says "Pork" and then points to his face, specifically his cheeks.

I ate pork face.....

I'm sticking to Chow King and Jollibee.