Big Weekend: Part 2 - The Underground River Trip

Yo yo!

Saturday we decided to go to Sabang, the location of the world famous Puerto Princesa Underground River. It's been nominated as one of the new 7 wonders of the world (http://www.new7wonders.com/), and it definitely deserves the nomination. It has been one of the most amazing places I have ever had the opportunity to visit. But I'm getting ahead of myself. We had it planned out so we would get the 7 a.m. bus to Sabang, arriving at approximately 10 a.m. Then we would take the monkey trail, a trail that winds through the jungle to the site. I think it has monkeys. 2 hours later we would arrive at the site of the river, go on the tour, and get a 15 minute boat ride back to the bus. We were told by Jessica to arrive at the bus station no later than 6:30 a.m. because it was usually crowded. We were a little late leaving and didn't arrive at the station until 7:00 a.m. We arrived just in time to see the bus begin to pull away. I wish I took a picture because it was something you'd see in a movie. This bus was absolutely packed with people and items. Every seat was filled. Every square inch of standing room was filled. People were hanging off the back and sitting on the roof in between tires and crates of produce. It was fucking nuts. Jessica was sitting on the top next to a few other tourists and waved as she drove away; us standing there completely dejected.
We had to wait two hours for the next bus. Andrew slept for a while as I had a very, very long conversation with a nice enough lady. She was a city councilor for a town near Sabang and she talked a lot.

The bus finally left around 9:00 a.m. and we began the three hour journey to Sabang. The first half of the trip was fairly uneventful. I never had a window seat, so I couldn't get a get view of anything. At one of the stops one of the German dudes, Michael, got on and sat near us. After this, people started piling on the bus something serious so Michael decides he wants to try the roof. "You want to go up?", he asks me. "Sure, why not?", I answer. I wanted to get on the roof the minute I learned of roof travel weeks before when Jimmy first mentioned it and here was my opportunity. At the next stop we got out and piled on the roof. I sat in the front, as close to the cab as I could get without sitting on the windshield, right hand firmly attached to a gigantic truck tire. I have to say, sitting on the roof of the bus as it wound its way around a mostly dirt road was quite the experience. The road was winding, bumpy, and, at certain points, very steep. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't shitting my pants most of the time. At one point Michael (who was sitting on a bag of solid ice and getting a wet ass) calls to me:

"This is pretty dangerous"

"Uh huh"

It the bus did happen to flip over at least I'd go out like a champ.

I was fiddling with my camera, taking pictures and videos of the scenery when Michael shouted something. I figured he was talking to one of the other guys on the roof so I didn't pay him any attention. Michael shouted again. This time I heard what he said...it was "Watch out!" I looked up to see a nice sized branch coming towards my face. I ducked, but I wasn't quick enough, and got belted on top of the fucking head. At least it didn't break my nose and I learned an important lesson the fairly easy way. I spent much of my remaining time on the roof not being a moron, dodging branches, and having a laugh.

We arrived at Sabang around 12:00 p.m. and rushed off to register for entry to the Underground River. We didn't get to take the monkey trail because we were running late, so we got the boat ride instead. 15 minutes later we were a 5 minute walk from the site. We got there, registered, got our life jackets and helmets and realized that we wouldn't have enough time to complete the trip. The bus driver told us that he was leaving at 2:30 p.m. With the wait for the tour, the tour itself, and the 15 min boat ride back to the bus we figured we'd wouldn't get back until 3:00 p.m. We told the girl in charge of the registration and she assured us that she would radio the bus driver and he would wait. I was skeptical.

We eventually pile into a little boat with 6 other tourists and a boat operator. I have to say, the Underground River was one of the coolest places I have ever visited. To travel the whole length of the river takes about 3 hours round trip. On this tour we traveled about 20 minutes in and 20 minutes back. The cave was pitch black with smooth walls and high ceilings. Stalactites and stalagmites jutted everywhere from the cave ceiling and cave floor, respectively. Bats were flying everywhere, screeching a high pitched whine and shitting on everything. The boat operator warned us not to look up with our mouths open. I took the advice.

During the trip the boat operator, a funny middle-aged man, would point out various rock structures in the cave and tell us what they looked like. We were both sitting at the very back of the boat. A guy in the front had a flashlight hooked up to a battery and was moving it left and right at the boat operators request. This turned out to be the funniest part of the tour. Allow me to recreate the boat operators instructions:

"Right. Right. Up. Up. UP! Ahh Yesssssssss! This look like a big mushroom!"

"Left. Up. Left. Left. STOP! Ahh Yesssssssss! This look like a shark fin!"

"Right. Down. Right. Other Right. There! Yessssssssss! This look like a woman bent over. Sharon Stone!

And so on. It was pure gold.

After traveling back the way we came through the Underground River we had to boogie back to the bus. The bus was supposed to leave at 2:30 (it was 3:00), but was waiting for us at the request of the registration girl. God bless her heart. I was sorry I ever doubted her and impressed with the bus driver for actually waiting. What a guy. We got the boat back to the shore, clambering off, and booked it to the bus. At that moment it started to pour. We arrived at the bus and got on. Two tourist foreigners gave us a look as we got on and said "So it was YOU we were waiting for". Nobody else said anything but I'm sure none were overly impressed with the two wet goofballs who were holding up the show. We moved to the back of the bus and sat down, ready for the 3 hour ride back to Puerto Princesa. The bus ride back was pretty uneventful. Well that's not entirely true I suppose. I'm pretty sure the two kids next to me were loaded drunk. I could smell booze and they were acting retarded. I'm also pretty sure one kid asked me if I was gay. To this I responded, "Huh? Am I ok?". The kids went back to giggling like fools at this response. One was trying to tell the other, who I guess couldn't speak English, the following sentence:

"Sir, I apologize. I didn't know you could speak English".

So, this one kid keeps repeating this to the other kid, who I assume had some sort of debilitating brain damage as he could not repeat this sentence back. This went on for a solid 5 minutes. I've never come so close to assaulting a child as I did that day.

Eventually people start getting off the bus and I moved away from the kids. After the bus stopped, and a guy climbed through the window with a chicken in a cardboard box (...yup...), I decided I had enough of the inside of the bus. I climbed back onto the roof and it began to rain. One other dude, a native named Arnold was chilling up there as well. We had a great chat about this and that on the remaining hour back to Puerto. We finally got to the station around 6:00 p.m. It was a long day and a great experience. What a blast.

Oh oh oh! I also got some really kick-ass pictures of rocks!