A Pissy Introspective Reflection (.....)

This entry isn’t about the Philippines. It isn’t about the good times I’m having or the funny scrapes I’m getting myself into. It isn’t even going to be about the kid I ran down on my bike today, although I’ll eventually have to tell that one I suppose. No, this is going to be a much more sombre-than-usual post.

A reflective post.

An introspective post.

A pissy post.

Before any of you think to yourselves, in the most disdainful voice you can possibly imagine, “Pfffht! Walsh...what a knob. He’s in the fucking Philippines, a tropical paradise for Christ’s sake! Thirty degrees every day! Cheap food, beautiful women, and NCCC! How dare he complain!!” hear me out. This post isn’t at all going to be about complaints with my situation over here. I have no right to complain about that. Everyone and everything here has been absolutely phenomenal, and I do mean that. No, this post is coming from a conversation me and Mr. Patrick “Class” Connolly had earlier, moments before my internet connection cut out. I swear, I’ll eventually find that warehouse and free those little kids biking day and night to power the net. Either that or make the little bastards bike faster.

Our conversation started off with the typical pleasantries, changed direction to focus on the idea of a vacation (Not for me, for poor old Pat) somewhere when I get back, and hit the finishing line at “So, what are we doing with our lives anyway?” Pat initiated the conversation as he has become increasingly concerned with the cost of living. He wants to become a homeowner sooner than later, and his current situation isn’t conducive to homeownership. He’s been talking about possibly getting a second part-time job, a new primary job with a greater salary, moving out west with the other half of Newfoundland, or working the corner a few nights every week. All viable options. Well all except working the corner. I mean, I know competition breeds innovation, but I hate to think of the all the new depraved acts his poor old mother would have to endure. I kid.

In all seriousness, our conversation made me think of my current situation and the direction in which my life is headed. Like Pat, I still have no clear idea of where I am going or what I will become. I have a B.Sc. in Geography and an Advanced Diploma in Integrated Coastal and Ocean Management. I recently completed a work-term primarily based around GIS (Geographic Information Systems), something which I initially had no interest in but later came to enjoy. I’ve always enjoyed writing, have had an article published in a professional journal (ATLIS), and more recently, am having a lot of fun writing blog entries. I’m in the Philippines researching and engaged in a project related to ecotourism curriculum development for WPU (Western Philippines University). If at this point you’re thinking “What does all this have in common?” allow me to answer with “.....”.

People are often asked by their friends, family, and colleagues where they envision themselves to be in five or ten years. Often, individuals take the more proactive introspective route, asking without being asked. Some people have set goals for themselves, or have had a lifetime dream of some sort. Others have a passion. These people have the answer. Unfortunately, I am not one of these people. I have pretty much played it by ear thus far. Everything I have done (educationally and otherwise) I have enjoyed, and I can’t say that I honestly regret any of it. But, when I stand back and reflect on where I am in life, I also can’t help but wonder if I have made the right decisions. I wonder this while simultaneously wondering what other road I might, or could, have taken. I am in a constant state of wonderment...

I’ve been assured by friends that this outlook is normal for recent graduates, but I remain sceptical. I’m nearly 27 years old, and I feel that at this point in my life I should at least have some sort of direction decided on. A down payment for the rest of life. Maybe, as I tried to tell Pat, “It’ll all work itself out sooner or later”. I’m not the first person to be in a situation such as this and I’m certainly not going to be the last.

Although I may have second-guessed my decisions up to this point, I would not have been able to have some of the amazing experiences without making those very decisions. I sit here now, sipping a Calamansi Nestea, snacking on a package of orange flavoured Chokies (I have no idea how to pronounce that word; maybe ‘Choke-ease’ or ‘Chalk-ease’?) and reminiscing about that time I ran over a young Pilipino child. I firmly believe that life is all about experiences. And, I know full well that every decision I have made up to this point has obviously allowed me to get to this point. Still, it bothers me that I don’t have a plan even though I am fairly satisfied.

I’m all over the board.

I end this post no farther ahead than when I started. Maybe I’ll come home and try to snag a job with DFO. Maybe I’ll look into furthering my GIS education. Maybe I’ll continuing traveling for a while. Maybe I’ll take a shot at professional writing full- or part-time. Or maybe I’ll default on my student loan and professionally run from the Federal Government for the next few years. All distinct possibilities. For now I’ll focus on the task at hand: completing the ecotourism project and professionally fucking off. I’ll worry about making more pesky decisions when the time comes...in about two months...

Oh man...