Five People I'd Like to Have Dinner With; Fire!!

I booted up FaceBook the other day and saw that I had an inbox message from Jill. The message was a request directed towards Davis, Edwards, Sweetapple, and myself. The message was a simple question: If you had the chance to have a dinner with any five people, living or dead, who would you chose and why? I'm not normally one to fill out the "What's your favorite meal?", "Who's your favorite Travelling Wilbury" type questionnaires, but I found this question genuinely interesting. It's something I never thought of before. So, I put a little thought into it and wrote out a response. Before I post it I should let you know that I refer to a line Davis wrote in his response about Pierre Trudeau. I cannot take any credit for the crudeness nor the awesomeness of that line. Here it is:

I just finished reading Davis' response, and I don't think I can come close to topping those answers. Plus, I'd never think of the sentence "lick Alberta's giant cunt" in a million years. That sentence is completely un-toppable.

Davis wants to meet great people who did great things. This is entirely understandable. And, after reading his very well crafted essay, I'm a tad embarrassed by my significantly less "important" choices. Mostly, I've picked people that I just think would be a laugh to have dinner with. I have a fear that if I chose important historical and political figures I'd just end up making myself look like an ass and ruin the whole dinner.

Anyway:

5) Chuck Klosterman

For those of you that don't know, Chuck Klostersman is a 'pop culture writer' and columnist for Spin and Esquire magazines. I just finished reading his novel 'IV' and am starting 'Sex, Drugs, and Coco Puffs' now. I'm not exactly a pop-culture junkie, but Klosterman goes deeper than "What is Robert Downey Jr. sticking in his arm this week?" or "Spot Britney's Twat". He writes in a particular style that I am fascinated by. He bases most of his columns around an idea and explores that idea through celebrity interviews (You owe it to yourselves to read his essay on Val Kilmer. Dude is obviously insane). Some of his stuff is fluff, but most of it is insightful and, and all of it is entertaining.

4) Me

At this point in my life I have no fucking clue as to wear I'm going to end up; not even the beginnings of a plan. I feel I could just as easily end up at DFO or Zellers, and I'm not saying that to be funny. I think it would be completely amazing to be able to sit down with a future version of myself to see where I ended up in 5, 10, or 20 years. Hopefully there would be a future me to sit down with, but if not I guess that would be fairly insightful in its own right. If I knew I wasn't going to be around in 5 years I guess it would either motivate me to do a lot of great things, or depress me into trying every possible mind altering substance on the face of the earth. Either way sounds like fun. I think it would be fascinating to see what life decisions I, um, decided on, what path I chose, where I thought I was gong from here, and most importantly, why.

3) A 'Supervillian'

I use the term 'Supervillian' to refer to any historical figure responsible for some unimaginable act of cruelty, human rights violations, genocide, etc. I guess Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Idi Amin, and Pol Pot are all good examples. I wouldn't want to interrogate this person because pretty much everything you want to know about these people has been exhaustively detailed. I think it would be really interesting to see if you could relate to any of them. I mean, here you are, sitting down with Adolf Hitler (for the purposes of the dinner we can both speak and understand one language perfectly) and he tells a genuinely funny Jew joke. Do you laugh? And if you do, are you suddenly evil? And besides that, what if you kind of like this person? What if you and Stalin are eating scones and getting along famously? If you could see that, in a different time and place, this person would genuinely be a friend of yours, how would you feel? I love this idea. (Plus, I wouldn't feel a bit like an ass for ruining the dinner: "I spilled a little wine or your shirt did I? Well boo-hoo, Hitler."

2) Dean and Gene Ween

Ween are by far my favorite band. The eclecticism of their song catalog is actually astonishing. I wouldn't be able to nail down the 'Ween' sound if you asked me, so i won't even try. From interviews I read, they seem like two genuinely interesting people. I would love to be able to personally ask them the meaning behind some of their stranger material and shoot the shit like a regular fanboy. This choice isn't one of my more interesting choices, but, like I said, I'm choosing based on fun factor. I think this would be a lot of fun.

1) My friends (Awww, some sweet)

This is such a cliche answer that I feel like a complete heel writing it. But, it is the truth. I was honestly thinking of placing Dr. Seuss as my number one, but then I thought, "Well, what the fuck has Dr. Seuss done for me lately?". Unsurprisingly, Dr. Seuss hasn't done shit. Yes, I would choose friends and select family members to sit down with and have a big feed of something that wasn't fried pork or had a trace of rice. As much as I thought I was a 'big boy', I've realized over the past 5 months that I'm quite the pussy. I miss my friends and family more then I ever thought I would or could. I guess sometimes it just takes time away from your everyday routine to make you realize how much you liked that routine and all the people that are a part of it. I'm not going to get overly mushy here, but I definitely would like to shoot the shit with some buddies over a plate of Newfie food. But seriously, no fucking rice. Oh oh, and I don't want to have to cut my steak with a goddamn spoon. What is wrong with these people?!

Seacrest out!

So there you have it. I'm interested in hearing any answers that anyone else may have. Feel free to leave them in the comments section. Or, if you don't want other people to read them, you can leave me an email or FaceBook message. Apologies to Davis for reprinting his line without consent. It was too good to leave out.

Jesus, I almost forgot! Yesterday a telephone pole outside our house caught fire. This was weird enough, but the method they used to put it out was absolutely ridiculous. I'll post it tomorrow or the next day with some pictures. The whole scene was one of those moments where I could step outside myself, survey the whole situation, and conclude that, yes, I am definitely still in the Philippines.