Fifteen Dirty Little Buggers

I woke up early today to a strange site: A clear and sunny sky. Maybe Mother Nature isn’t such a heartless bitch after all. I was so excited that in my haste to get a quick shower I forgot to bring in the towel and ended up drying myself in my dirty shorts. Nice eh? Whatever, drying my face with filth couldn’t come close to ruining this day. I was in such a good mood that I even gave Meth Cat a wink and “the guns”. After he gave me the finger I bounced downstairs, opened the door, and went outside.

I had you all wrong baby.

Filthy picture care of "Classy" Pat Connolly. He knows allllll the good sites. Sorry ladies, he's taken.

“What a gorgeous day. I have a reeeeal good feeling about today. Yup, today’s going to be a great...*pause*...*sigh*...those little fuckers...”

They slashed my tires. A mob of degenerate children slashed my goddamn bike tires. I didn’t mention it in my previous post, but while fixing up my bike the other day I was surrounded by about fifteen children. They kept asking me questions, poking me (one slapped my ass), begging for money, cursing at me in Tagalog, and generally being little nuisances. In other words, being kids. After I finished pumping the tires and greasing the chain I thanked them for their “help” (“I’m sure glad you guys were around to hold the bike while I greased the chain. I didn’t trust that kickstand”) and went inside to clean up. They probably started messing up my bike the minute I left. My poor bike...

So, today I went to the bike shop and asked how much some new tubes and a gun would cost. The tubes are 80 pesos each, the labour is 30 pesos (15 per tube), and the gun was out of stock.

Grand Total: 190 pesos

Estimated Emotional Damage: All the pesos

I’m only messing around. It’s really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I learned a cheap lesson the fairly easy way. They could just as easily have cut the brakes or messed with the chain. Now I know to lock my bike up around back. However, if I do happen to catch them fucking with my bike again I’m going to be out even more money than this time because I’ll have to replace the shoes I lose ramming my foot up their asses.

Today wasn’t all bad. I found a little roadside store on my way home, “Mountain Pickers” I think, that sell fresh fruit. They even peel it and slice it into pieces for you. I got a whole fresh pineapple for about 80 cents! No funny story there; just great value.

Oh, Dave, if you’re reading this, I picked you up two very (in my humble opinion) kick-ass gifts that I hope you’ll enjoy. I’m going to send them out soon. No sense in waiting for me to get home. It’ll probably take a while to get to you, so they can be Christmas, Birthday, Valentine’s Day (rawr), or Easter gifts accordingly. You can make out my gift to 71 Reynoso Street, Puerto Princesa City, Palawan, Philippines. The zip-code is 5300. The shipping might be a few hundred dollars, depending on its size (i.e. big), so make the gift worth the shipping. Better use rush delivery too. That might be a few hundred more but I’m worth it.

Huh? How did that get there?

That's all for now.