I Couldn't Bring Myself to Hit an Old Lady. What Have I Become?

Andrew received his second piece of mail today in as many days and I'm jealous. The folks sent me a package three weeks before Christmas Day and were assured that I would receive it just before, or just after, that date. Soon after, a few friends got together and put together a care package which, shockingly, I have also yet to receive. I assume mailing something literally halfway around the world is a bit of an ordeal and attributed the delay to normal circumstances (ie. poor weather, busy holiday schedules, rogue elves, etc.). Chatting with Jimmy a few days ago revealed another explanation: Postal Thieves. I was informed that mail theft is quite a common occurrence in the Philippines.
"Did they send it FedEx?", Jimmy asked.
"Uh, no, I don't think so" I responded. "FedEx is kind of expensive".
"Oh no, no no no, see, they should have sent it FedEx. Much safer" Jimmy said with disappointment in his voice.
At that moment I felt angry and (possibly) ashamed. It felt as if I had brought this on myself. I should have known that Filipino postal workers were all crooked fuckers. Now, because of this oversight, I would quite possibly never receive my packages. No Christmas chocolate. No Christmas cards. No Christmas themed novelty hand buzzers. No nothing.

After slowly shaking my head for thirty seconds and staring through Jimmy, I concluded that he wasn't going to say psych! Christmas thieves existed. But hey, why wallow in self pity when I can explode on an English illiterate postal stooge? I took to the streets. There would be justice, or, at the very least, the perception of justice.

Pictured Left to Right: Karl Weathers, Matthew Walsh.

It's hard to get mad at an old lady. This made me even madder. I was being denied my earned right to throw a fit and toss a few F-bombs around. You absolutely cannot steal a man's Christmas themed novelty hand buzzers and expect civility. The very notion of such an idea is completely unreasonable. I had every intention of being a nuisance, yet here I was staring at an old lady postal worker and couldn't bring myself to make a scene, not even a little one. I bet she doesn't even work there. I bet management just throws her a few pesos to wear a postal uniform. She's paid to act all sweet and innocent, calming down the occasional angry lunatic. I bet the whole time they were running around the back room, giggling and buzzing each other, eating my Christmas chocolate and watching my Christmas porn. This isn't over.

In other news, I make my grand return in a little over a month. I've had a lot of fun over here, and I plan to have a lot more in the coming weeks. We are in the process of distributing our survey to marine tour operators across the island. We are also starting to interview government officials involved in the management of municipal tourism operations. Our travels will take us to the northern tip of Palawan: Coron and El Nido. El Nido is a huge tourist destination in Palawan and is one of the most photographed areas in all the Philippines. The whole town is basically one huge beach surrounded by an extensive archipelago of limestone cliffs that rise straight out of the water. It should be a good time.

With that being said, I am looking forward to going home. Although this has been my life for the past 5 months, it feels like a break from my "real" life. This just doesn't have the feel of being a part of my actual life, merely an aside. I already mentioned in an earlier post, that I'm not really sure as to what is in store next. I've decided that I'm going to get home and work from there. I have a few ideas floating around inside my head and am looking forward to pursuing some of them. However, right now I'm going to focus on two things: 1) Completing this project and 2) devising a way to make pile-driving a postal worker look accidental, or possibly, an act of self defense.

Left to Right: Matthew Walsh, Postal Worker, Postal Elephants.